Inspired. Wow, where to start?
My goal in life has always been to help people; it is my passion, my calling, my virtue, my blessing and my curse. I will burn myself to the ground trying to light the path for others, and just when I thought that’s what I had done with this whole contest prep, I am uplifted by so many.
It’s been a very humbling process to be so self-absorbed, and that is only because I have always been a girl of little self-confidence. I will tactfully build you up or constructively criticize, but when it comes to me? I had no self-worth. Today, as I struggled with my scale like I do every Saturday morning, I began to think “Is this what I really want?” “I’m not going to win, so what’s the point?” “People are going to laugh at all your effort when you come home empty handed.” So I did what any girl thirsty for attention might do – I posted my progress pictures to my IG account. Feeling fat, bloated, lazy, congested, and exhausted, I uploaded my 2-weeks-out photo and you’ll never guess what happened! Nothing and everything all at once.
I started this process for me – not because I was tired of seeing pretty girls, not because I was insecure in my relationship, not because someone was being mean to me, but because I was tired of looking at my body and hating what I saw. So why should a competition change that, and why would I let it? No amount of comments or ‘likes’ can change how I feel, no plastic trophy is going to give me that self-worth. What does give me self-worth are the people who contact me after my posts and ask for my advice or my help because I have indirectly, through building my own self-esteem and allowing it to be viewed publicly, unlocked the door for others to do the same.
I am in competition with no one other than myself – to be the best me that I can be, and frankly, given my history I’ll never be 100% satisfied with where I am, but I’ll always be so proud of where I’ve come from. That’s what body building is about anyway – progress.
You may think that the world is out to get you, or that life is unfair or that people think you’re stupid – or just whatever – but 99% of the time you’re wrong. People love a success story, and all the hardships you may encounter a long the way, well they only make it more real. And those people that do make fun of you? They really are just jealous, because it takes a lot, and I mean A LOT, to get to this point…a lot more than the average man or woman could understand, but you’re not doing this for them. That’s the key to success – courage to follow your own goals and ambitions; everything else is secondary.