Unless you would rather be doing something else…” – J.M. Barrie
This post has been a long time coming, but as with any great decision, it has been backed by great doubt. Long story short: we back in this bitch! How could I let 6 months of (not so) hard work go down the drain? This has been my dream for 4 years, and I shouldn’t let one small hiccup ruin that again.
First competition on the books is set for August 2nd, and I couldn’t be more excited.
I was pretty mad for a long time about my whole competition prep this season. I had a boyfriend whom I felt was announcing every thing to the world, co-workers who were encouraging me to “just take 1 shot,” and parent’s breathing down my neck about whether or not I could handle the pressure of competition rebound and weight gain. Of course ALL of those actions were based on good intentions; Los was just being supportive, my friends wanted to include me in their fun, and my parents are just looking out for my well-being. I get it. However; I’d be lying if I said I felt as though I’d lost a piece of myself when I was told training could no longer continue. I felt like I’d let so many people down, myself included, and I really felt like I’d lost my purpose. I no longer had a goal to be accountable to, I no longer had the drive to motivate myself, much less inspire anyone else.
In one simple text conversation that all changed. My “coach” had decided to come out of retirement and compete in the last three shows of the season. She qualified for her pro card in 2011, but decided to focus on raising a family, and now, since that’s been put on hold, she’s decided to give it another shot. And with her announcement she included at the very bottom, “And it’s exactly 12 weeks tomorrow until the first competition 😉 😉 ” And my diet started the next day.
My mentality has completely changed as well; I’m hungry for personal success. If you’re going to put your heart into something, you might as well do it for all the right reasons. Bikini girls get a bad rep for being “skinny,” or “cardio bunnies,” but I’m not trying to win some spring break wet t-shirt contest; I want muscle. I want to be strong. I want to surpass the stereotype and prove to myself that recovery is possible and that muscles really are beautiful. After some much needed quality time floating down the river, Los is completely on board. He’s been nothing short of amazing, making sure I eat, making sure we have enough food in the house, making sure I get what I need in the gym, making sure my supplements are available. He’s networked for me, encouraged me, but also respected my privacy. I’m very much an introvert and too much attention can backfire. And with that I can proudly announce that he has decided to compete as well.
It’s been 3 weeks since we started our journey together and it’s been quite an experience growing, learning and sharing. We get to watch and encourage one another as our physiques change, and when our moments of weakness strike, which they do, we’re there to back one another and keep ourselves on track. I’m not sure I could’ve done this without him.
So I’m officially 8 weeks out as of this past Saturday. I’ve got my suit picked out (we order on Monday), I’ve started tanning, ordered my weave (yeah, girl!), and posing classes begin next week. I can’t wait to start writing more inspiring blogs instead of this mushy, emotional crap, but it keeps me on track…and well, this is my journey anyway.