It turns out that my season was over before it even began, and in case you were wondering, I’m devastated.
I spent 7 solid weeks prepping for what I thought was going to be an epic competition season. After much debate prior, my boyfriend boosted my ego by telling everyone and their mother’s (or just his) that I was going to rock the stage again. I would overhear my customers at the bar telling their friends, “She’s competing this year.” I would get applauded for busting out my protein shaker mid-shift. I attended parties with my tupperware and even sported a lunch box to the bowling alley on more than one occasion.
With 9 weeks left til competition number 1 I realized I was going to need some outside help with posing and contest prep, and at this stage in the game I was willing to shell out between $500 and $1000 for that help. I figured driving back and forth to Slidell weekly to see my current coach was going to cost me just as much in gas, so why not pay for someone local? Much to my dismay, there is nobody that was willing to take me on. After seeking out two other trainers, I was told by both: “It will take more than just a few months to reverse the damage already done to your body.”
Damage? What do you mean damage? I was in peak physical condition and continuing to look better day in and day out. Metabolic damage? Cardio overload? Caloric deficient? I felt like I was in rehab for anorexia a third time. I’ve spent years trying to correct the mental damage done to my body, and by putting on healthy weight I assumed I’d corrected the physical damage. I guess I was wrong. Apparently the roller coaster my body has been through in the last 7 weeks is enough to deter two trainers, and I’m out of options as to where else to look for help. I’m at this crossroads: do I continue to further damage my body (though they haven’t explained to me exactly what that means), or do I postpone my goals until next season when I have ample time and proper help with my diet and routine?
Someone told me to look at this as a blessing in disguise. It’s like getting bonus prep time, and I’ve always thought that if you want something to last you need to do it right the first time. So I won’t be stepping onto stage this season, and as heartbreaking as it is, it does feel pretty amazing to get in the gym and throw some heavy ass weight around again.
I could pout, drown myself in Quest bars, and assume that woe is me, I’ll never achieve my fitness goals, but what are fitness goals? When is enough enough? I’ve preached for years that this is a lifestyle, so in a sense nothing has really changed. I’m just going to wait a little longer to reveal my hard work. But I’m also not going to gorge myself on pizza and beer (except for St. Patrick’s Day…because I am an Irish redhead after all), I’m going to continue working hard, I mean it’s still bikini season!